The Lotus GriefToolkit
Lotuses are known for being beautiful and thriving surrounded by muddy waters. As nice as that sounds, sometimes we are more like a dandelion in a cup of hose water that a kid brought in the house. And that is okay. It is all okay. Grief was thought to be distinct stages, at one time, but we know this is not true. It is an array of things. If anything, like a lotus, I hope this helps you find your stillness in this muddy water. I hope it helps you find oxygen.
How am I still smiling after losing both of my best friends?
This is a 30-minute video where I get really deep into how grief differs from grieving, how I dealt with the various phases, the ways I managed the practical aspects of life, and some Buddhist principles that can universally undergird this difficult process.
Book is live as of May 2026-- well, kinda:
Spiritual Disciplines need a modern update. Christian mystics who live in caves, Buddhist monks who sit on mats, Muslims who fast for 40 days, and priest that flog themselves were my introduction to spiritual disciplines when I was training to become a minister and theologian. I kept wondering what that looked like in the modern world, for Black folk who want to cry but don't have the time. For those who want to go to sleep forever but still have to make dino nuggets. What about the rest of us who are depressed but still need to clock in? We need something here, now, and ready to make our own. Some of the older ways just need to be plugged into modern ways, but some things need to be named. Diy projects...making a budget...enjoying pleasure...paint and sip... it's all spiritual. Let's dive into that and try some on for size.
Trap Rituals (book one) is 50 things to help you tackle grief, reconstruct your faith (if you have experienced deconstruction), and to excavate joy that will help you free yourself from the grips of pain and self-doubt. It'll be a grab-and-go, or a deep-dive, pocket manual for you to sink into.
This ebook will have a workbook in the future, depending on interest.
NOTE MAY 24, 2026:
This is the stage of grief, I suppose, where you just impulsively publish an unfinished book. After my family experienced a devastating miscarriage in April of 2026, I just decided we ALL need what I am talking about. Enjoy, and pay if you can lol, but most importantly-- enjoy.
https://drive.google.com/drive/folders/1X_Lz52RJtkX5W1cbjrnb6RmvQL7hulCh?usp=drive_link
Ways to get updates:
-
Substack: https://substack.com/@crystalsaiyge
-
When I get Apple Books to cooperate, the EBook format will be added to there and should pop up in your queue when I make edits to the file
It’s all free until I finish and then will be $25. To PreOrder, or donate as you go, my name is $crystalsaiyge on every platform (Facebook, Venmo, Cash App, Zelle–ask for zelle info) OR PAY BELOW